


Therapy

by Rinkafic



Series: Overs and Unders [6]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, Stargate Atlantis AU, broken!john
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-22 23:07:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinkafic/pseuds/Rinkafic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is 2 stories: I Couldn't Say No & Getting Better</p>
            </blockquote>





	Therapy

“John, I agreed to allow Evan to sit in on your sessions in the hope that you would talk more, not less,” Kate said in a disappointed tone, looking from John to Evan expectantly. “My permission was conditional. Please, share something with us about a time you didn’t feel comfortable, as Evan asked.”

John looked at Evan, “I... maybe this wasn’t a good idea. You’re going to be angry.”

“Not with you, John,” Evan reassured him.

“I let it all happen. I did everything he told me to do.” 

Evan took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “What happened if you didn’t do what he said?”

“I was punished.”

“So you weren’t doing it to give him pleasure, or because he was giving you pleasure in return. You were doing it out of fear,” Kate said. “We’ve talked about motivation, John.”

Shrugging, John shifted closer to Evan. “He used to have people come over. Guys he hooked up with online, I think. When he was expecting strangers to come, he used to inject me with stuff.”

“He drugged you?” Evan asked.

“Yeah. I don’t know what it was he never told me what he was giving me. Usually it made me feel all loose and disconnected.” He shrugged. “I didn’t mind the drugs so much because when he drugged me, it dulled the pain. I didn’t feel most of what they did those times. It made me sleepy. Sometimes I passed out. That didn’t stop them from what they were doing, but I really didn’t feel anything until the next day.” 

Evan’s arm moved around his shoulder and he pulled John closer, rubbing his arm and kissing his temple. 

Making some notes on her pad, Kate leaned over the desk. “What kind of things did they do, John?”

“I’m not sure, I was unconscious.”

“You said sometimes you were unconscious, I’d like to know more about the times you do remember.”

“Kate,” Evan said quietly when John began to fidget.

John squeezed his hand. “It’s okay. Maybourne liked to watch these guys he brought in use me. He used to sit while they...” he gulped. “They would all... at the same time.”

“You were penetrated by multiple partners simultaneously?”

“Kate!” Evan hissed. 

John, perhaps emboldened by Evan’s embarrassment on his behalf leaned forward and said with growing volume, “Yeah, two cocks in my ass, one shoved down my throat. They didn’t care if I could breath or not, or if it took a week for me to take a shit without bleeding. They came there to use me. Maybourne gave them permission to use me. He watched them when they did it and jerked off. Maybe they paid him for it. Maybe I was just a whore too.” 

“And how did that...”

“Make me feel? It hurt, Kate. It fucking hurt! How would you like to wake up and feel yourself being split in half? Or feel your body being moved around like a blow up doll and used over and over and over?” He was standing now, shouting at Kate across the desk. Evan had never heard John’s voice at this decibel. 

“I hated it. I hated every minute of it. I hated Maybourne and his games. I hated the men he brought in. I hated not being able to move because he overdosed me again, or knowing they were inside me when I was asleep! I hate thinking about it! I hate talking about it. I didn’t want it to happen and I don’t want to remember it!” He shrieked the last and picked up his chair and threw it across the room. He was panting by the time he finished, his nostrils flaring, his hands clenched tightly into fists at his side. 

“John?” Evan said, standing up and moving close to his under. He didn’t touch him. “Hey, we’re done for today, buddy, you don’t have to talk about it anymore.”

John blinked at him and looked around dazedly. He glared at Kate and then ran from the office. 

“Evan!” Kate called as he followed John. “Wednesday at 1600.”

He stopped at the door and stared at her in disbelief. 

“This is good. He’s angry, Evan. He’s angry for the first time. Go after him. Believe me, this is progress.” 

John was curled on his side on the bed, a pillow over his head when Evan got to their room. He climbed up beside him, sitting with his back to the headboard. “I misbehaved again,” John mumbled from under the pillow.

“I would have, in your place. I’d never, ever share you with anyone John. You’re mine. I’m not into group sex, I wouldn’t ever put you in that position. I’d never have sex with you without your consent.”

“I know. You’re not him. I know that.”

“Come up here,” Evan patted John’s hip.

Rolling over, John peered up at him from under the pillow. “I think I want to punch something.”

“Do you? Well, come on then, I’ll take you down to the gym and you can hit the bag. Or we can put on the gloves and you can take a few swings at me.”

“I don’t want to punch you.” John pulled the pillow back down.

Evan slid off the bed, walked around to John’s side and reached for John’s arm, pulling at him. “Come on. Get up.”

“No.” John pulled his arm away.

“Are you being disobedient?”

“I don’t want to go anywhere. I just want to stay here.” He kicked his feet on the bed. 

Smiling, Evan pushed at John until he rolled onto his back and pulled the pillow away. He leaned down and kissed John’s cheek. John turned his face aside. “Okay. We’ll stay here, since you refuse to go. I never thought I’d be happy to see an under have a temper tantrum.”

“I’m not having a tantrum.” John ripped the pillow out of Evan’s hands.

“Oh, no?” Evan grinned at him and John heaved the pillow in his face. He tossed it onto the bed. “We have another session Wednesday at 1600.”

John gritted his teeth and ground out, “I’m not going! I don’t want to talk to Kate anymore. I’m done with therapy.”

Patiently, Evan replied, “We’ll talk about it on Wednesday.”

The fight suddenly went out of John, he sagged and let out a strangled noise that might have been a sob. “I’m tired Evan. I’m so tired.”

“Roll over on your belly. I want to rub your back. Go on, flip.” When John did, he straddled John’s hips, pushed his t-shirt up and and dug his hands into the tight muscles, finding knots of tension everywhere. 

“I’m sor...”

“Shh, shh, shh. No more talking. You did enough talking for today. Relax.” 

He rubbed and massaged, working over John’s back until he felt him go completely limp and felt his breathing slow. Sliding off him, Evan stretched out on his side. He wasn’t going to sleep, not for a long time. Knowing what John had been through and hearing it from his mouth were two different things. He felt physically ill over what he knew now. Another session like today’s and Evan might need his own course of therapy in order to cope.

~*~

John thought he was getting better. He didn’t freak out anymore when people brushed against him in the corridors or in the mess hall. He thought that was another big step, he could eat in the mess hall, with people around, able to see him. Of course, he couldn’t do it without his over sitting beside him, but he knew it was progress. Kate said it was progress.

He was also able to stay by himself in their quarters or in the Ancient Library, he didn’t have to go with Evan to his office all the time anymore. He knew all the scientists that came and went from the Library on a regular basis, and they all greeted him warmly and gave him his space as he read and transcribed books and articles from the database. When he had shown an ability to read Ancient, Evan had been all too happy to let him take on the task, and John felt like he was contributing to the expedition. As it became known that John read Ancient fluently, Evan began to get requests emailed to him for different things John could possibly translate for various departments. 

Currently, he was reading about Solstice traditions on different planets in Pegasus, a project the Anthropology department had requested he work on. There were so many different ways of celebrating that his head was spinning. He had lists compiled of costumes and decorations, feasts and special dishes, ceremonies and dances. Anthropology wanted to do a comparison of the way the traditions had changed on the planets since the Ancients had been around to observe the cultures. 

Leaning back in his chair, John rubbed his eyes. The headache was back, the one that usually began to plague him within a few hours of reading. He had only been reading for a short time today, however. He sat back and considered what to do. He didn’t want to stop for the day, the stuff he was reading was interesting and Anthropology wanted to have it done so they could have the data when they went on their away missions to observe the current cultures. 

He put the database into pause mode and stood up. The room started to weave slightly and his stomach rolled. Yeah, he needed to do something before this one knocked him down and sent him to bed sick. “I’ll be back, Susan,” he said to the researcher that was also there almost every afternoon. 

“I’ll save you seat!” she laughed and waved. 

There was no one on the corridor, so he ventured out and headed for the transporter. His head was pounding. His instinct was to go to Evan, but his head really hurt. He chose to go straight to the infirmary. He pressed the indicator and waited. The doors opened on the infirmary level and he saw that there was a crowd of people gathered in the corridor. 

All his courage fled and he suddenly found it hard to breathe. His heart was racing and he was frozen in place, unable to step out or press the button to go back to the Library. He sank down to the floor as the door closed again and wrapped his arms around his knees. This was stupid, he should have gone to Evan, why did he think he could do this alone? He panted, trying to catch his breath.

**~*~**

Evan took the stairs two at a time in his haste to get to John. Thankfully, McKay had shut down the transporter system to keep John where he was, just outside the gymnasium where the marines usually worked out. One of the marines had tried to use the unit and when the doors opened, John had been there. He saw Stackhouse waiting for him outside the transporter.

“He won’t come out, sir. He’s pretty upset.”

Evan slapped his shoulder, “Thanks for getting McKay involved.”

“Yeah, well, if the system was on, he’d be all over the city,” Stackhouse replied and stepped aside to let Evan get to the door, which had been propped open with a barbell before the system was shut down. 

“John?” Evan reached through the opening and clasped John’s foot, giving it a shake. John had his head pressed to his knees and he was trembling. “What’s going on? Talk to me, buddy.” 

Slowly, John lifted his face and looked at him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his lower lip trembling. “Too many people, I couldn’t... I just...”

Squeezing through the opening, Evan knelt down beside John and gathered him into his arms. John collapsed against him, sucking in deep breaths between sobs. “I’ve got you. It’s okay, I’ve got you, John.” It didn’t take as long as it used to to calm his under. These panic attacks used to come more frequently, be more intense and last longer. The best thing Evan could do was hold John, anchor him and let him gather himself back together. 

John wiped his face as he pushed away. “I didn’t want to bother you.”

Evan kissed his forehead and wiped John’s eyes with his thumbs. “You’re not a bother. Where were you trying to go?”

“Infirmary. I have another headache.”

“Okay.” Evan stroked a hand over John’s hair, turned and pulled the barbell from where it was wedged in the door frame. He stood and handed it to Stackhouse. Then he tapped his radio. “Lorne to McKay, all clear, you can put her back online.”

“Acknowledged., McKay out.”

The lights came up a few seconds later. After pressing the button for the infirmary, Evan helped John to stand. When the doors opened he saw that there was indeed a crowd outside the infirmary. He held John’s hand and led him through as the crowd parted to make way for them. 

Marie, one of the med techs, met them just inside the door and led them over to an empty exam bay and went to get a doctor. When John climbed up onto the exam table, he flopped onto his side. “Too bright,” he muttered and pressed his face into the pillow. 

Beckett clucked his tongue as he walked over. “Head?” 

“Yeah,” Evan replied. “Not helped by a little freak out.”

The doctor made John roll over onto his back so that he could check him over. “John, do you want a shot or some pills?”

“Shot,” John’s reply was muffled by the pillow he had clasped to his face as soon as Carson let him.. 

Patting John’s belly, Beckett nodded. “I’ll send a nurse over with a syringe. Any other problems, John?”

“No,” John mumbled. A few moments later, he lifted the pillow and peered out at Evan. “You don’t have to stay.” 

He had been leaning against the edge of the gurney, and boosted himself up to sit near John’s hip. He patted his back. “It’s fine, Colonel Sumner knows where I am.” Sumner had been surprisingly understanding about the time Evan needed to spend with John since the start, giving him time he needed as well as not forcing him to go offworld. Evan hadn’t left the city since taking John as his under. He had given up his Gate team.

“Give me your hip,” Marie said as she came over to the bedside. John rolled and she tugged the waistband of his trousers down, swabbed a spot and jabbed him quickly. 

“What’s the crowd here for?” Evan asked her.

As she stepped away, she replied, “Miko from engineering went into labor this morning.”

Experienced with John’s headaches, Evan knew it would take ten or fifteen minutes for the shot to hit him. He pushed John’s t-shirt up and rubbed circles on his belly, a proven method to help him calm down. 

John moved the pillow away from his face around ten minutes after the shot. “I hate when that happens, Evan. I feel so stupid. I was coming here, I didn’t want to bother you.”

“I appreciate that, and that you made the attempt. You couldn’t have known there would be a mob here. You ready to go home now?”

John sat up. “No. I need to go back to the Library, I left things running down there.”

Surprised, Evan slid from the gurney and walked with John to the door. John edged over and pressed against him, clasping his hand tightly as they went out into the corridor and passed through the gauntlet of scientists and techs there for Miko. 

When they got into the transporter, John leaned against him and nuzzled his cheek. “I hate crowds.”

Evan kissed his forehead and hugged him. “I know.”

“What are you researching?” Evan asked him as they walked into the empty Library and John settled onto a stool by a terminal. 

“Solstice practices on five worlds that Gate Teams have visited. It’s a comparison study for Anthropology.”

“Anything fun?”

John shrugged. “I found some videos of some dances that were cool. They’re a little sex mad on P76-223, I found descriptions of their rituals.”

“Bringing in the new year right, huh?”

“Something like that. What are we doing for the holidays?

Evan had been so busy lately that he hadn’t realized the date. “Well, there will be a big dinner, and probably a party...”

“No parties, please.”

“...which we do not need to attend. What would you like to do?”

John shrugged but answered, which told Evan the shrug could be ignored, John did have a preference. “Maybe stay in bed and watch a movie marathon?”

“That is do-able. And what do you want for Christmas?”

John turned on the stool and looked up at him. “You won’t laugh?”  
“Scout’s honor.”

“Your mark.”

His mark? Evan had never marked an under before, and while John bore numerous scars from what Maybourne had done to him, he was not inked. He cupped John’s chin and stared at him for a minute. “Are you sure?”

“I never wanted anyone to before. But yeah, I’m sure.”

“I’ll talk to Sergeant Slater, he has a full kit, and I’ve seen his work, he’s pretty damned good. I should get back to work now. Call me when you’re done here, I’ll swing by and get you. You had enough wandering on your own for one day, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Can I get a kiss?” Evan leaned down so that they were nose to nose. John clasped his cheeks and pressed their lips together, kissing him fully. Before he pulled back fully, Evan kissed the tip of John’s nose playfully. “See you later.”

**~*~**

John watched Evan leave, grateful once again that he now had an over that actually cared about him. He was nervous about getting such a permanent mark, but it would mean a lot to him. He knew that Evan had been pleased by the request, and he liked making Evan happy, he liked seeing him smile the way he just had.

If he had pulled any of his previous overs away from their work to deal with his problems, he would have been severely punished in the past. Instead of complaining, Evan had praised him for attempting to be independant. He smiled as he went back to his translations. Evan hadn’t said no to the mark, which meant that he must like having John as his under. 

John stretched and leaned back on the stool, letting his mind wander to thoughts of his over as he sent his data files to Anthropology. He had been with Evan for almost four months. In that time, Evan had not raised a hand to him, except for the spanking he had pushed Evan into giving him that first week. Evan had never pushed him to do anything that made him uncomfortable. Not even the mandatory therapy sessions. Evan had been going to sessions with him for two months, and any time he started to get upset with Kate, Evan found a way to either make her back off or even stopped the session. 

John had always been an under, since he had been a teen, he’d known his sexual and social preferences. But for the first time since leaving his parent’s home, he felt safe and cared for. It seemed like this was the way it was supposed to be. What had felt weird and disconcerting at the start had become comfortable. He didn’t mind all the little touches from Evan. He liked the attention. He liked Evan. He more than liked Evan, he suspected he was in love with him. That gave him pause, because he really didn’t feel like he deserved someone like Evan, not as screwed up and broken as he was. 

He tapped his radio. “Sheppard to Lorne.”

“Hi John, ready to wrap it up?”

“Yes. I could meet you at the mess hall.”

There was a pause as Evan considered it. “How about just outside the transporter?”

“Okay,” he replied. “Sheppard out.” He turned off the Library system and extinguished the lights as he left. As he stepped into the transporter, he kept repeating to himself that even if there were a hundred people outside the door when it opened, he would be fine. Evan was meeting him. He could do this.

He was relieved when the transporter opened and it was just Evan standing there, smiling at him. He took the hand Evan held out to him and squeezed back when Evan squeezed it in greeting. Yeah. He was probably in love with Evan Lorne. 

That he could admit that to himself had to be proof that he was really getting better.

 

The End


End file.
